Let me first start with this admission – I am a clothing connoisseur and my closet is a BEAST – yup, I’ve always consumed clothes like some people consume water or alcohol. Yes, I know – I have a problem, but so what, I usually donate a ton of clothes, so in my mind, it all balances out. Trends and styles spread faster today than they ever have. 20 years ago, you had to rely on MTV if you were in Los Angeles to see what was happening in New York and vice versa. The Internet has changed that.
Now clearly, I’m not a real critic – I simply play one on this blog. Anything I say is based on my distorted view and in no way reflects the views of someone who wants to be taken seriously. With that being said, I want you to take this seriously:
Skinny jeans for men – what on earth caused this to happen? 25 years ago, you were either slim or husky (I was husky). No boot cut, no wide leg, no skinny. Why do I see more and more young guys committed to the skinny look? There’s several glaring issues caused by wearing skinny jeans:
- You must be skinny to pull it off successfully and when I say skinny, I mean – remember when you were 16? Well, subtract 4 years from that. Yup, you must have the body of a 12 year old — who hasn’t eaten in 4 days (not eating eliminates me right off the bat).
- Your feet instantly become bigger because of the tapered cuff. If you already have big feet, you’re now ready for the nearest clown audition because skinny jeans with big feet are hilarious. You may as well get paid while people laugh at you.
- Along with bigger feet comes –bright, narrow shoes. It seems like the store almost forces you to buy a pair of starburst colored shoes. I guess it all makes some sort of sense. Fashion right?
- You can’t put anything in your pockets thicker than a credit card. Seriously. Trying to put an iphone in your front pocket is equivalent to a ballet dancer carrying a brick in her leotard. No exaggeration (OK, just a little).
Why wear a belt? If you’re skinny enough to wear skinny jeans, your pants are not falling down. Chances are, your thigh muscle isn’t much bigger than the fat part of your thumb – if your thumb were swollen. Wearing a belt is simply insulting to the rest of us regular sized folk.
I really believe that the designer is pulling a fast one. Think about it – you’re paying full price for less material right? Why let the designer off the hook? They know those jeans won’t be around in 12 months and you’ll be back to buy a regular pair when your body matures to the level of a normal adult.
Skinny jeans lead to skinny ties — which leads to skinny suits. The slope is too slippery to take the risk. Skateboarders, young professionals and even athletes are all rockin’ the skinny attire.
As you can see by the photos of Alex & Jose – the skinny jean train has already left the station. To be young — Rolled up cuffs, no socks — Yes Sir!